That routine only changed when I got married, but when we had our first baby, we began visiting Booksale again because that was where we bought affordable storybooks and educational materials. We only stopped buying when the pandemic came, and by the time the community restrictions had eased and we were allowed to go out, the Booksale branch that we frequented had already closed. For a time, I thought Booksale would eventually succumb to economic pressures, but it’s encouraging to see that there are branches that are still standing strong.

In fact, just a few months ago, on a random visit to SM City Fairview, the Booksale branch at this mall was suddenly so inviting. I wanted to buy storybooks for Rafa’s reading practice. I eventually got a book containing 8 classic fairy tale stories. I thought it would also be a good opportunity to introduce him to some of the stories that I also loved as a kid.

The next few moments at Booksale took a different turn as three books caught my attention. One is a vintage-looking “It’s a Mystery, Charlie Brown” book; the next is Tim Burton’s “The Nightmare Before Christmas” with a CD included, and a Thirteen O’clock mildly creepy storybook. I told my wife that we went inside Booksale to buy books for Rafa, but I ended up getting more for myself haha.

Anyway, it made me happy to visit Booksale once again.

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Minsan, isang umaga, pagpasok namin sa classroom namin, biglang nag-announce ang teacher naming si Mrs. Santos.

“O, pinatay daw kagabi yung tatay ni Anita. Pupunta tayo ngayon,” ani Mrs. Santos. Hindi ito ang mga eksaktong salita niya, pero tandang-tanda ko na ganyan ka-deretso ang pagkakasabi niya. Walang piniling salita sa harap ng mga anim at pitong taong gulang na mga bata. Hindi ko rin masisisi ang mga tao kung bakit meron na silang stereotypical label sa mga public schools dahil sa mga karanasan na kagaya nito.

Kami naman, dahil mga bata, pakiramdam namin ay may field trip. Dali-dali kaming nagsi-pila sa labas ng classroom para maglakad papunta sa bahay nila Anita. Malapit lang naman sa school ang bahay nila, kaya pwedeng lakarin.

Pagdating namin sa bahay nila ay hindi pa nakahanda ang mga labi ng ama ni Anita. Nakahiga laman ito sa katre, puno ng natuyong dugo, at may tali sa ulo, buhat sa panga upang hindi bumukas ang bibig nito. Lahat kami lumapit, halos hawakan ang katawang nakahiga. Halos ilapit ang aming mga mukha sa mukha nito upang suriin ang detalye ng pinsala.

May kabaong nang nakahanda at isang nakasinding kandila. Parang ordinaryo lang ang lahat, parang ordinaryong kaganapan para sa isang pamilya.

Hindi naman kami natakot, siguro dahil sa curiosity. Natatandaan ko rin na nagkwento ang nanay ni Anita tungkol sa nangyari. Lasing ang asawa niya, kinumpronta ang isang batang nakasakay sa kalabaw, natakot ang kalabaw at aktong nagwala kaya nahulog ang bata. Ang bata, nagsumbong sa ama niya na agad nagalit. Kumuha ng gulok, binalikan ang lasing na lalaki, at pinagtataga. Patay agad ang tatay ni Anita.

Habang nagkukwento ang nanay ni Anita, may dumating na isang babaeng nakaputi. Nurse daw ito, pero pinalabas daw kami at gagamutin lang daw ang tatay ni Anita. Matapang ang amoy ng gamot na gagamitin kaya hindi pwedeng may mga bata sa loob ng bahay. Akala ko talaga ay kaya pa niyang gamutin at buhayin ang tatay ni Anita. Pero wala daw itong makapang ugat buhat sa sugat sa leeg ng tatay ni Anita.

Makalipas ang ilang taon at naging mga adults na kami, tinanong ko minsan ang kaibigan ko na kaklase ko rin nung Grade 1 ako.

“Natatandaan mo ba nung nagpunta tayo sa tatay ni Anina na pinatay? Nung pinapunta tayo ni Mrs. Santos?” ang tanong ko.

“Oo, grabe yun. May taga sa mukha yung tatay ni Anita. Biyak ang bibig,” ang sagot niya.

“Naku, natandaan mo pa ’yon. Ako nga, hindi ko na matandaan. Pero ang alam ko nga, duguan ito,” ang sabi ko naman.

Kung minsan, pag nakakaalala ako ang mga pagkakataong ganito, hindi ko maiwasang maisip na maraming bata rin pala ang nakakaranas ng abuso sa mga hindi inaasahang paraan.

Kagaya nitong kwentong ito, hindi ko masabi kung may kaklase ba ako na maaring nagka-trauma ng dahil sa ginawa ng teacher namin at posibleng lumaki na may kinikimkim na takot. Ako nga, may ilang detalyeng hindi ko na matandaan na maaaring pinilit na lang na ibaon ng aking subconscious.

This story is part of my Halloween & horror stories series:

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Naaalala ko nung mga panahon na iyon, pagsindi pa lang ng kandila ng mga tita ko, kabilin-bilinan agad sa amin, “O, antayin nyo munang matunaw ah. Baka naman pilitin n’yong kumuha agad ng kandila nang hindi pa naman natutunaw.”

Pag nagsimula nang pumatak ang kandila na parang lumuluha, kanya-kanya na kaming kuha sa medyo mamuo-muong agos sa paanan nito. Patatagan, ang mapaso, mahinang nilalang. Kaya bawal naming ipahalata pag medyo mainit pa ang nahawakan namin. Habang tumatagal naman, parang nasasanay ang mga kamay namin. Hindi ko alam kung nasasanay ba talaga o dahil lamang sa manipis na sapin ng natuyong kandila sa dulo ng mga daliri namin.

Habang paubos naman ang kandilang unang sinindihan, makakaramdam na kami ng bahagyang panic. “Tita, magsindi na kaya tayo ulit?” Ito ang sabay-sabay naming sabi. At pag ginawa naman nila iyon, sabay-sabay kaming makakahinga nang maluwag. Tuloy ang laban.

Kung minsan, nangangapit-bahay din kami. Ang ibig kong sabihin, pag may nakita kaming kakilala, pupuntahan namin ito. Kakausapin sandali. At kapag disimulado na ang plano namin, magsisimula na kaming makikuha ng tunaw na kandila.

“Penge naman kami, sayang naman yan,” sasabihin namin na para bang totoong nag-aalala kami na masasayang ang natunaw na kandila. Pag naubos na, move on sa next kakilala hanggang sa mapansin naming na medyo dumidilim na. S’yempre, pagbalik namin sa sarili naming nitso, may mas marami pang tunaw na kandila na nag-aantay sa amin.

Karaniwan, ang pinsan kong mas matanda sa akin ang nananalo sa amin. Pinakamagaling gumawa ng bolang tunaw na kandila. Ang isa ko namang pinsan, ang bragging rights ay gumawa ng pinakamakinis na bilog na kandila. Pagkatapos naman nito, kukunin din naman sa amin ng mga tita namin ito upang gawing floor wax. DIY floor wax, kumbaga.

Ngayon, napapaisip ako, may mga bata pa ba na nagbibilog ng kandila pag Undas? Matagal-tagal na rin kasi akong hindi nakakapunta sa sementeryo sa probinsya. Iniisip ko kung ginagawa pa rin ito ng mga bata ngayon (o kung ginawa kaya ito ng mga Gen Z noong kabataan nila?). Nevertheless, parang gusto kong ituro sa anak ko ang paggawa nito. Siguro kung makadalaw kami sa sementeryo ngayong Undas, baka ipakita ko sa kanila ang paggawa ng bolang kandila.

Na-experience nyo rin ba ito?

This story is part of my Halloween & horror stories series:

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The building was old, massive, and looked like it was located in the middle of nowhere. Inside, it was maze-like with a lot of dark corners and vacant rooms. In fact, when a curious colleague and I explored the building, we found a dark, almost pitch-black office wing on the fifth floor. We wondered why nobody used that entire wing until we heard stories that it was once used as a temporary morgue.

The building also had a big auditorium where office events were often held. But behind all the fun and music, I think only a few people realize that at the back of the main stage were dilapidated executive offices and unused elevators, which we didn’t know where they led up to.

Anyway, you have a pretty good picture of how the interiors of the building looked. I guess that was why they needed a licensed exorcist to do the building’s cleansing. Anyway, to do the ritual, the priest went floor to floor, accompanied by some top executives.

The priest would sprinkle holy water underneath desks, on mirrors, paintings, computer monitors, and windows. He said that these objects and locations were portals through which spirits and supernatural beings can find their way out into our world. Knowing that the area underneath my desk could potentially be a portal between our world and the spirit world gave me the creeps because I often worked late in that building.

On the topmost floor of the building, where the executive offices were located, the windows were floor-to-ceiling. According to the priest, he saw many ugly spirits and elementals floating outside the windows and trying to get inside the building.

From time to time, the exorcist would stop and make a sound as if he were throwing up. He said that it was the spirits that were causing him to do that.

When the ritual was over, our boss asked him where the most haunted place in Metro Manila was, and the exorcist said that it was not a place that everyone would expect. It was a modern mall (well, at least at that time) located north of Metro Manila. Again, I was a little uneasy because it was a mall that I frequented during those days.

What was funny though, after office hours, the senior officers set up for the exorcist a makeshift kitchen at the building’s rooftop garden. Apparently, the exorcist was also an expert paella cook.

They had a potluck party at the garden while the priest prepared a big pan of paella. I can attest to how delicious the exorcist cooked. Talk about living a double life, haha.

This story is part of my Halloween & horror stories series:

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“Para sa bisita natin yan, apo,” were her exact words. I remember my Lola to be kind and loving, but she has always been the mysterious type.

Years later, when I was in high school, that memory randomly popped into my mind. Afraid that I would forget about it, I recalled the story to my father and asked him what it was all about. Without hesitation, he told me that the practice of leaving a saucer of salt, garlic, and onion had been my Lola’s nightly routine since an aunt became pregnant with my eldest cousin.

Specifically, it was to protect the mom and the baby from pregnancy until birth. And the visitor that my Lola referred to was a mysterious flying animal that they heard every night if there was someone pregnant in the house. As a matter of fact, when my mother was also pregnant with me, that protective salt mix also appeared each night on the terrace.

“Narinig mo ba yung lumilipad?” I asked my father. “Oo,” he confirmed. I asked him to describe it, and it was a loud flapping sound.

“Hindi kaya ibon?” I further inquired. “Hindi, masyadong malakas yung pagaspas para maging ibon,” my father explained to me. “Tsaka kung san ang kwarto ng buntis, doon tatapat,” he added.

I asked him if he ever got curious when he heard it, and he said yes. “Hindi mo sinilip?” I asked. He said that he felt it was too risky to do that. The loud flaps at night usually kept him awake until the wee hours.

Still, my father wanted a logical explanation for the experience. This province was located in the north, where giant fruit bats, or bayakan, abound. We had a chico tree inside the lot, and the fruits might have attracted them.

Still, my Lola often wondered why they only visited the house when there were pregnant women in the family. It’s a mystery that has remained unknown in our family.

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However, it was not widely practiced anymore in the 90s. Although when I tried hard to dig into my memory bank, I vaguely remember one instance in which there was a group of elderly people who stopped by our gate to sing an old Tagalog pangangaluluwa song (a little creepy based on my recollection). They were dressed formally, and after their little performance, my father handed them what I recall was a P10 bill. I witnessed pangangaluluwa after all.

I’m sure not many people still remember pangaluluwa these days. The young ones, most especially, may have never heard about it anymore. In fact, it may not have been known in other parts of the country. When I did a little research, I found that it was largely a Tagalog tradition. It was observed on October 31 during All Hallows’ Eve. Interestingly, when pangangaluluwa was still observed, it was mostly children and teens who visited houses and sang songs related to All Saints’ Day. It was also said that pangangaluluwa was practiced mainly in rural areas, so again, it might not have gained national popularity.

Interestingly, according to the National Commission on Culture and the Arts, the groups of people who went house to house for pangangaluluwa pretended to be the wandering souls of the dead begging for prayers and alms.

My father once told me that when he was a young boy, it was mostly the old folks in their area (I couldn’t recall if it was in Nueva Vizcaya or Santiago City) who practiced the tradition. They weren’t in costumes but in their best Sunday dresses, carried a guitar, and went house to house to sing the pangngaluluwa song. After which, they would be handed either money or kakanin.

I also saw an article in the Philippine Daily Inquirer which said that Sariaya, Quezon is doing its best to preserve the tradition. It was an old article though, published in 2014. And the practice was already modernized in which the participants dressed in costumes, similar to the typical (Western) Halloween celebration.

In closing, here are the “Pangangaluluwa” song lyrics in case you want to know:

Kaluluwa’y dumaratal

Sa tapat ng Durungawan

Kampanilya’y tinatantay

Ginigising ang mga buhay

Kung kami po’y limiusan

Dali-dalian po lamang

Baka kami mapagsarhan

Ng pinto ng kalangitan

Kaluluwa kaming tambing

Sa purgatoryo nanggaling

Palimos po!

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Anyway, I recently discovered 4 horror movies from the late 70s to the 80s that I somehow became fixated on in the last several months. First is the Phantasm movie series. I first saw clips of Phantasm Oblivion (I realized later that it was Phantasm IV) in 1998 while it was playing on the bus on the way to the province.

I became interested in the Tall Man, evidently a macabre character, in pursuit of a man. I couldn’t understand the story well because of the many distractions around. But the scenes I caught were morbid, which piqued my interest. I had no way to rewatch it because we didn’t have YouTube or movie streaming services at that time.

Fast forward to a few months ago, I saw clips about Phantasm on Facebook. I realized that it was a movie series. I searched on YouTube, and thankfully all films were available. I’ve already watched the first four Phantasm films and enjoyed every bit of them.

I like the combination of sci-fi, horror, and mystery. It was a creative series, despite most of it being a low-budget horror franchise. The Tall Man and the flying spheres were all memorable. I learned later on that the film series gained quite a following, with fans still talking about it to this day.

And just this August 2026, it was announced that one of the protagonists of the movie, Reggie Bannister (known as Reggie in the film series), sadly passed away.

I was finally able to see Phantasm IV (Oblivion) in full, after 28 years. I think it was a fitting ending to the dreamlike movie series. I saw the trailer for Phantasm V (Ravager), but I felt that it was completely out of place because of the special effects. On the other hand, I might just watch it out of curiosity.

Try to watch the series on YouTube if you have the time.

Now, let’s go local. Again, thanks to Facebook Reels, I discovered a recently restored Filipino horror classic called Sa Init ng Apoy, released in 1980. It stars real-life couple Rudy Fernandez (as Emil) and Lorna Tolentino (as Laura), both still young in the film.

It was set in Baguio City, where the newly married couple was on a honeymoon for Holy Week. Since all lodgings were fully booked, they decided to rent a room in an old house. It turned out the house hid a dark past, and an evil spirit still lives there. Somehow, the fateful events that led to that house were the culmination of Laura’s haunting dreams over the years.

Eventually, the dark entity possessed Laura, and after some struggle, she was later freed via exorcism. Baguio City in the early 80s looked stunning and inviting. I can sense the chilly breeze even from my cellphone.

As for the movie, it was a little slow burn, but the plot was good. There were points in the movie that felt forced and unnecessary just to give off an aura of mystery (e.g., an old lady who was insisting that Laura take a cryptic artifact without any explanation), although I enjoyed watching it. Again, it’s on YouTube for those who want to see it for free.

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We were really planning to go home to Nueva Ecija for the long weekend. However, my parents warned us not to proceed anymore because the main roads we would pass (particularly San Simon, Pampanga) were already flooded. I thought it was just ankle-deep flooding, but my parents told me the floodwaters were waist-deep. It was a good call that I listened to my parents, because the subsequent scenes on North Luzon Expressway (NLEX) and other major highways in the next few hours were horrific. The traffic on the whole NLEX and other surrounding thoroughfares was in gridlock.

Our yaya, who still pushed through to go home to the province for the long weekend, wasn’t able to go back to work immediately because there were no trips to Metro Manila. According to the bus company, they cancelled the trips because NLEX was closed. Imagine that: a major highway closed off because of heavy flooding for many hours. Think about the economic losses because of that.

But beyond that, I’m sure the frustration felt by many Filipinos during that time was beyond belief. They were angry, sad, nervous, frustrated, hungry, uncomfortable because of the lack of toilets and facilities, and were probably just questioning what on Earth was happening to the Philippines, and the taxes that we were paying. Many were just wishing for the chaos to be over, like a bad dream haunting them long before they’ve awakened.

How ironic; the country is in the midst of a flood control corruption issue, and yet here comes Mother Nature proving that those in power have done us wrong. Also, NLEX. They didn’t even have any contingency plan to aid those who are stuck in traffic for long hours. They should be made liable for that pandemonium at the expressway last week.

Hay, indeed, mas nakakatakot pa talaga ang mga buhay kesa sa multo.

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I was already an adult when social media became a thing, when Friendster was launched. So, imagine our excitement because of that new and modern way to connect. Then came Facebook, IG, and so on. Blogging also became mainstream, but I was no techie, so I was late in the game.

I found social media was a good way to share stories before I learned to tinker with a blog. It was fast; you could share photos and text without having to access a dashboard. But more importantly, people were generally sociable and genuine. Even strangers left wonderful comments on a story or photo shared on IG, for example.

When I finally learned how to blog, social media content creation became my means if I just wanted to satisfy my urge to write something. It was a good community until around 2016 or 2017.

Then influencers suddenly became a thing on social media. They were like celebrities (and somehow treated by netizens as such). Pasikatan. Paramihan ng followers. Nauso ang follow-for-follow, then suddenly they would unfollow you. I think that was when toxicity on social media started.

Somewhere along the way, comments and interaction became more and more offensive and foul. The younger generation was blaming the older ones (or those belonging to Gen X & Y). For me though, these older ones were the people who made social media a truly warm (and, again, sociable) community.

Although I wouldn’t discount the observation of the younger ones. I guess that’s because we older people have a somewhat uptight way of holding to our values, so we call out what we believe is not right.

On the other hand, the younger ones are more global and more exposed to different cultures, especially Western philosophy; that’s why they tend to challenge the norm or what we say “nakagisnan na natin.”

Not really a generalization but just an observation, the toxicity on social media comes mostly from a specific economic or even political segment, no matter the age group. The monetization model also doesn’t help, as content has become trashier, seemingly churned out by mindless clout chasers whose only goal is for their next post to go viral and make them big.

Content creators who are educational and who make sense are only a handful. Even so, you’d still find their comment sections riddled with senseless remarks from online zombies.

In any case, the negativity on social media led many to turn away from mainstream platforms and seek new ones. That includes me. It feels good to discover Substack, a safe place for sharing just about anything, from personal angst to the nonsensical stuff. And nobody would judge you for it (in fact, people will even celebrate you for it if they get to relate to you). I pray that Substack stays this way.

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***

I once had a dog named Doggie (pronounced “doji”). We adopted him in 1990 when he was just a puppy. He was stout and fluffy; that was why we easily fell in love with him. His coat was a mix of dark gray (almost black), some brown, and a few streaks of white on the chest. He looked like an Aspin version of a German Shepherd; that was I remember most about him.

He was also a playful fellow. As an only child, I love having pets because I’d have someone to play with if other kids weren’t available. He grew rapidly; however, our landlord eventually felt bothered by his presence. She complained that Doggie broke her plants, so we were left with no choice but to put him on a leash. My father built a doghouse for him, though.

Doggie naturally was sad to be confined in such a small space, but I played with him regularly after school. I would pat his head, stroke his fur, and we would run around his doghouse, where his leash allowed him to.

I also talked to Doggie. He was a smart dog, with round, observant eyes. I thought he listened each time I spoke. I promised him that when we moved to our own house, he could run freely and chase small butterflies. We just had to put up with our situation at that time because we were renting. I held on to that hope, and I felt Doggie did, too.

He was healthy and strong. We fed him well. He was round but not overweight. He wasn’t muscular, but that was because he lacked exercise. I thought he was also a handsome dog.

In 1991 though, I overslept because it was a Saturday. I vividly recall a dream in which an unscrupulous man suddenly appeared at our gate. He was holding a gun, and from my dream, I thought he wanted to steal something from our house. I ran away as he pointed the gun at me and hid behind Doggie’s doghouse.

The man fired two or three shots, which hit the doghouse. When I peeked inside, I saw Doggie lying lifeless on the floor. I cried in my dream, but I was suddenly woken up by the surge of emotions.

I thought, “Hay salamat, panaginip lang.”

As I finished that thought, our landlord’s son, Kuya Tito, appeared on our doorstep and said to my father, “Kuya Brando, patay na po si Doggie.”

My heart raced. I was shocked, both by the news and the sudden thought that my dream was indeed real.

I readily rushed out of my bed and went straight to the doghouse. Kuya Tito wasn’t joking. Indeed, Doggie was already gone. I felt my throat tighten with emotion and grief, but I held back the tears. My pet, my playmate, had already left us.

Up to this day, though, when I recall that vivid dream, I still can’t shake the feeling that something mysterious befell us on that day. Older folks say that dreams are the opposite of reality. However, at that moment, my dream was the exact reality.

In any case, looking back, there’s nothing more horrifying for a young boy than learning that your beloved pet is gone.

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So, what are those three pillows?

Well, he has a walrus stuffed toy, which we gave him for Christmas. Originally kasi, gustong-gusto nya yung similar toy ng older cousin nya. His cousin was always kind enough to lend him the toy whenever they were together. Just the same, seeing how he loves the toy, we decided to get him his own toy. Ito yung toy na pinakayakap nya talaga each night.

Then he also has a Mickey Mouse “pillow.” This one has a hole where you can insert an arm. With that, it’s a lot easier to hug. Sometimes my son would use this for resting his head. I guess it’s when he likes to keep his head elevated when he sleeps.

Then finally he has an Iron Man pillow. This one is a round pillow, which is best for snuggling. Sometimes my son would just bring this with him outside the room when he wants something squishy to hold on to.

How does he hold these three pillows at night?

He would usually have one arm securely positioned in the Mickey Mouse pillow. Then he would have the Iron Man pillow in another arm. Then finally, he would have his legs and arms wrapped around the walrus plushie.

Ganito rin ba ang mga anak n’yo? Maaaliw ka na lang talaga. Alam ko, kagaya ng ibang mga magulang, nakakaramdam din ng pag-aalala at kaunting pagod sa pag-aalaga ng mga anak nila.

That’s why we celebrate small wins, and also find joy in the simple things that we observe in our kids. Siguro for some, wala lang ito or mundane pero para sa mga kagaya kong special needs parent, we try to find joy in raising a child with autism.

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While we didn’t have a Halloween celebration at that time, the idea of having a fun trick-or-treat evening out with friends came from the cartoon shows I watched in the 90s. Think of Yogi Bear, The Ruff & Reddy Show, The Huckleberry Hound Show, The Flintstones, etc. I think I was just watching too many cartoons on TV at that time, but I thought dressing up in costumes, putting up Halloween decorations, and having lots of candies were extremely exciting.

Nevertheless, I was also happy with all the horror-themed shows and movies shown on TV. I looked forward to Magandang Gabi Bayan on ABS-CBN. I think I have been watching it since I was in Grade 2, and only stopped when the show folded in the mid-2000s.

I also loved the horror stories that I used to share with my classmates in elementary school. When the All-Saints’ Day school break was about to approach, classes would be laxer. We’d spend hours exchanging urban legends and terrifying stories from around our hometown, which were, of course, passed on to us by our lolos and lolas.

Traditionally, we would also visit our loved ones who have passed on in the cemetery. I wouldn’t let the moment pass without fueling my imagination and hearing more frightening stories from my aunts and cousins as we made balls out of melted candles.

Fast forward to today, I’m happy seeing my kids enjoying themselves as they go to Halloween parties. Honestly, I kind of enjoy these things myself even if I were already an adult. I love toys, candies, decors, costumes, and the whole Halloween vibe!

Also, since Halloween is just around the corner, I think I’ll begin sharing more Halloween-themed stories here.

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In the afternoon, I’d pick him up from school. He loves playing taya-taya with his friends right after class. The school grounds would usually be filled with children’s laughter as they chase each other. I just watched them enjoy themselves and be little rascals until they were all hot and sweaty. Then the other parents would arrive and fetch them one by one.

Probably the best part of my day was when we were heading home. He’d eagerly tell me how his day went; what they did in school with their teacher, how his friends were nice to him, which classmates were being rude to him, or sometimes the one who got the most scolding for the day from their teacher. Sometimes he’d look disappointed; at times he’d be laughing as he recalled amusing details of his day at school. I’d be all ears and all smiles as we approached our gate.

For a working dad like me, moments like those are precious. I was grateful for the one-month break in between jobs. Given the chance (and the money), though, I’d always choose being with my kids. As a home-based dad for a month, I had my hands full. From feeding them (or making sure they ate), preparing them for school, helping them do their homework, and then preparing them for bed at night.

I was helping Rafa with his assignment early today, and I recalled our pedicab conversations. Things will never be the same for all of us tomorrow, so enjoy and take advantage of the little moments that we have with our loved ones today.

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Now, I’m not particularly fond of poultry in general. I will sometimes eat select fast food fried chicken or chicken inasal, but I’ll always choose the breast part because the flavor is milder or none at all, except if seasoned well. Then again, chicken breast will just taste the same as the seasonings used to flavor it, or the sauce that it’s dipped in. As for chicken legs, it’s the strong flavor that puts my palate off.

Going back to the Peking duck, it looked palatable when finally sliced thinly. I often see it in shows eaten with sauce and vegetables in a wrap. It looks delicious served that way. Plus, I’ve also heard that the skin is super crispy. With all of those thoughts in my mind, my curiosity grew stronger. I murmured in my head, “Wow, hindi pekeng Peking Duck ito!” As if naman may fake na Peking Duck. Of course, I also know it was expensive, so I wouldn’t let the opportunity to try a top-tier dish pass.

Our Chinese colleague taught us how to eat it. Apparently, there were many of us in the team who hadn’t tried it yet. When it was my turn, I got a piece of skin and a slice of duck breast, put it in a wrap, spread hoisin sauce on the meat, and finally added slices of cucumber and scallions on top.

Once wrapped, I put it in my mouth. The flavors were delicious; I’d admit that. The sauce and vegetables went well with the duck. The skin was indeed ultra crispy. However, there was a slight gamey aftertaste, which I didn’t like. I’m sure it was just me since I wasn’t used to eating poultry.

I tried a piece of skin as is, and it was good, save for the slight aftertaste. Interestingly, the rest of the duck was cooked salt-and-pepper style, which was served later on. They said it was good with rice.

Anyway, that was my first time trying Peking Duck. It’s always an adventure to try something new, especially if it’s not something that you are used to doing (in my case, eating). Also, it’s not every day that one gets to try upscale food, although admittedly Peking Duck isn’t something I’ll crave later on.

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“Dapat bigger si Daddy kesa kay Mommy!” he would say. Then we’d reply, “Bigger naman talaga si Daddy kay Mommy a?” To which he’d hit back, “No, no…si Mommy ang bigger.”

Are you thinking about height? Or weight? Size, perhaps? No. Rafa was actually referring to our age. His mind couldn’t quite wrap around the idea that I’m younger than his Mommy. For him, since daddies make the final decisions in a family, they are supposed to be older than mommies.

This recent conversation with my little boy amused me, exactly because I was very much like him when I was his age. Back then, I also had the notion that dads were supposed to be the protectors of the family. That being said, they should be the oldest ones in a family.

In retrospect, I think I had that idea because I equated age with strength, wisdom, and other exceptional abilities. This meant they were the stronger ones who defended their loved ones from harm, and they generally held superpowers to shield their loved ones from the evils of the world.

My own father was older than my mother, so I thought that our family was “normal.”

However, I do recall one moment back in the early 90s when an old neighbor told me that in the newlywed couple living across our house, the husband was younger by a few years than his wife.

Upon hearing that, I couldn’t help but exclaim, “Ha, talaga po?” Again, since I thought that it was the men who were supposed to “lead” a home, they needed to be older than their wives.

As for Rafa, we just explained to him that it was okay for daddies to be older than mommies. They work hand in hand in nurturing a happy family, and they help each other in ensuring the safety of their children no matter their age.

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Anyway, our officemate died a sudden, unexpected death; that was why the news came as a shock to many of us who knew him. What made it even more startling was that he was a health-conscious guy; he lost a huge amount of weight about 8 years ago, he watched what he ate, jogged regularly, and loved the outdoors.

He climbed mountains, dove deep into open waters, and went on many random adventures with his family. He was a really good guy who loved life. Unfortunately, an aggressive type of cancer claimed his life at a young age. No one would ever have guessed that his time on earth was already numbered.

While we were talking about his travels, we couldn’t help but remark on how he was trying to do all the things he wanted to do in quick succession. It was as if he had a bucket list that he fancied ticking off in the shortest possible time.

In retrospect, it was like he knew he only had limited time left in pursuing his goals. Of course, that was just an expression. Nobody wants their life to be cut short, especially if you have loved ones who are counting on you.

However, this is also a timely reminder for us to do the things that make us happy because life is unpredictable. We don’t know if we will still be here tomorrow. But when it’s already our time to go, we can say that we’ve lived a fruitful life with no regrets. Or the people around us can say that we lived a purposeful life.

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Para bang lipad ng saranggola ni Pepe. Dahil malaya namang umalagwa, akala mo pataas na lang nang pataas ang paglipad. Ngunit kagaya rin ng saranggola ni Pepe, may mga darating na pagkakataon na susubok at hahadlang sa tuluyang paglipad nito nang malaya.

Sana simple na lang ang formula ng success, ‘no? Sabi kasi dati sa TV, tuwing makakapanood ako ng mga balita at interviews tungkol sa mga nagtagumpay sa negosyo. Ang karaniwang sabi dati, sipag at tiyaga lang ang sikreto nila.

Hindi naman pala ganun kadali at kasimple ‘yun.

Lumaki ako sa isang maliit na bayan sa isang hindi masyadong kilalang probinsya. Ito lang ang mundong alam ko. Dahil limitado lang ang mundong ginalawan ko, akala ko gano’n din ang buhay paglabas ko mula rito.

Mas malaki at mas malawak pala ang mundo sa labas. Ito na nga ang tunay na buhay.

Lumipat ako sa kabisera para mag-aral. Bitbit ko ang pag-asa at pangarap na binuo ko noong nasa high school pa ako.

Napakalaki ng unibersidad. Mapuno dito, kaya kahit papaano, naalala ko ang aking probinsyang kinalakhan. Ngunit hanggang doon na lang din pala ang pagkakapareho nila. Iba’t ibang karanasan ang pwede mong pagdaanan at iba’t iba rin ang mga taong maaari mong makasalamuha.

Ganito ang buhay. Walang pinipili, walang paborito. Hindi mabait sa pangkaraniwang tao. Hindi ka basta-bastang pagbibigyan kahit na mataas kang mangarap.

The experience will strip you down to your very core.

Ipaparamdam nito sa iyo kung gaano ka kaordinaryo. Marerealize mo, hindi ka naman pala gano’n kagaling, hindi ka rin naman pala kasing-talino ng iniisip mo.

Sa mata ng ibang mga tao, pantay-pantay lang din kayo. May kanya-kanyang struggles, may kanya-kanyang mga pasan sa buhay, pero pare-parehong umaasa na may magandang pagkakataon na naghihintay sa hinaharap.

Mabilis ang daloy ng buhay; hindi ka aantayin. Kailangan mong kumapit nang mabuti dahil kapag nakabitiw ka, hindi ka puwedeng mag-antay lang ng awa. Ikaw din ang tutulong sa sarili mo.

Ramdam na ramdam mo kung gaano ka kaordinaryo bilang isang tao. Pero ano nga ba ang gagawin mo kapag ipinamukha ito sa iyo ng mundo?

Paano ang gagawin mo kung ipinamukha sa iyo ng mundo na ordinaryo ka lang pala?

Pwede mo itong tanggapin. Yung mabubuhay ka sa paniniwalang may hangganan lang ang maaari mong marating. Yung sasabihin mo na lang sa sarili mo na, “Eh hanggang dito na lang talaga ako eh.”

Pwede ka rin naman lumaban. You can refuse to accept what the world dictates to you. You can choose to carve your own path where you can be extraordinary by your own standards, not by what the world says.

Survival na lang talaga. Kung noong college, makapasa na lang talaga. Tanggap ko naman iyon.

Hindi ko rin naman natupad ang pangarap ko. O kung tutuusin, pangarap ko ba talaga ‘yun? Baka sinabi ko lang na gusto kong gawin ‘yun dahil masyado pa akong bata noon. Idealistic: kung ano lang ang popular, ‘yun na rin ang gusto. Pero deep inside, baka hindi ko pa lang talaga alam ang gagawin ko.

Pinilit ko pa rin naman habulin, hindi dahil sa gusto ko talagang matupad, kundi dahil gusto kong magkaroon ng closure. Yung kaya kong masabi sa sarili ko that I gave it a shot, na I exerted all effort to get to that dream. Na kahit ipinaramdam sa akin ng mundo na ordinaryo lang ako, na I was on my own, I still went against the tide because I refused to give up.

Pero sa huli, hindi ko lang kinaya. Wala nang next step. ‘Di bale nang rejected, at least wala nang “what ifs?”

Sapat na sa akin ‘yun. Pwede na akong mag-move forward and pursue other things.

In a sense, life in general is like that experience during my college years. It taught me to be grounded. I may not be the greatest, pero okay ako doon dahil walang masyadong expectations sa akin.

At the same time, the experience also taught me that we can choose to be extraordinary in the realities we create for ourselves.

Sa huli, nasa ating mga kamay kung paano natin hahabulin ang buhay na gusto natin at magpapasaya sa atin, kahit gaano pa iparamdam sa atin ng mundo na ordinaryo lang tayo.

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Anyway, gusto ko lang ik’wento na ang isang buwan na bakasyon ako ay nais kong ilaan para sa mga anak ko.

Ibig ko rin kasi maranasan at gawin yung ginagawa ng ibang mga tatay (at nanay na rin) para sa mga anak nila. Yun bang pagiging involved sa araw-araw na routine ng mga anak nila. Ang nasa isip ko talaga ay turuan si Rafa magbasa, mas hasain pa ang sulat-kamay n’ya, ihatid at sunduin s’ya sa eskwelahan, at makipaglaro sa kanila ng kuya n’ya pagdating ng hapon.

Sa totoo lang, ibayong saya ang naramdaman nang mabigyan ako ng pagkakataon para maging mas involved ako sa daily routine ng mga anak ko, kahit sa kaunting panahon lang.

At aaminin ko, may inggit akong nadarama sa ibang mga tatay na mas may kakayahang maghatid at sumundo sa mga anak nila sa eskwelahan. Sa iba siguro ay maliit na bagay lamang ito, pero sa akin kasi ay hindi. Napakasarap kaya sa pakiramdam na nakikita ko sa bawat araw ang mga anak ko at nasusubaybayan ang kanilang paglaki.

Pero gano’n talaga, kailangan kong magtrabaho. Tanggap ko rin na ang isang buwang bakasyon ay mabilis na lilipas. Kailangan kong muling harapin ang katotohanan at muling sumabak sa laban ng buhay para mabigyan ko ng magandang kinabukasan ang mga anak ko.

Hindi rin naman unlimited ang last pay na natanggap ko. Sa totoo lang, sa taas ng gastusin ngayon, mabilis ding naubos ito. Tamang-tama lang hanggang sa maitawid ako nito sa panibago kong trabaho.

Masaya ako. Malaki ang pasasalamat ko sa Diyos dahil nabigyan ako ng pagkakataon na gawin ang mga napakaordinaryo pero makabuluhang mga bagay para sa pamilya ko.

Bilang isang ama, proud akong sabihin na nagawa ko naman ang mga bagay na pinlano kong gawin sa loob ng isang buwan. Nakagawa ako ng daily routine with Rafa, kasama rito ang study time sa umaga, preparation for school before lunch, hatid sa school, and then sundo ulit pagkatapos ng school.

May playtime din pala sila ng mga friends n’ya dahil nagtataya-tayaan sila after class. Mami-miss ko yung iaabot sa akin ni Rafa ang bag n’ya at biglang tatakbo, habang ang bestfriend n’ya na si Covi sasabihin sakin, ”Kuya, pakilagay mo po dyan yung bag ko” sabay tatakbo na rin.

Ako naman, tuwang-tuwang panoorin sila habang naghahabulan at nagtatawanan. Iba talaga ang mga bata, parang may magic sa mga tawa at saya nila. Kaya naman napapaisip tuloy ako: bakit kaya may ibang mga tao na naaatim na makitang nasasaktan at malungkot ang mga anak nila? Nakakabigat ng loob isipin.

Nakakatuwa rin ang mini bonding namin ni Rafa after ng playtime nila. Pupunta kami sa malapit na grocery store para bumili ng meryenda. Simple lang naman ang mga gusto n’ya; favorite cookies n’ya, chips paminsan-minsan, at mga drinks na gusto n’ya subukan (kaya nga nalaman ko na mas masarap pala talaga ang Chocolait kesa Chuckie haha).

Marahil ay magtataka ang mga kahera ng tindahan kung bakit bigla na lang isang araw ay hindi na bumibili ng meryenda ang mag-ama sa kanila.

Tapos sasakay kami ng pedicab. Si Rafa naman, sige lang ang daldal at k’wento tungkol sa kung ano ang nangyari sa araw n’ya sa school.

Natutuwa ako sa conversation naming ito dahil ang dami ko ring natututunan sa kanya; mga classmates n’yang nakakatuwaan n’ya at mga classmates n’ya rin na medyo hindi n’ya gusto.

Best of all, ramdam na ramdam ko ang saya at pagtitiwala n’ya sa maiksing b’yahe namin pauwi sa bahay namin. Ito ‘yung age when kids are so innocent, which I will surely miss someday.

At habang palapit ang pagbabalik-trabaho ko, nasabi ko na lang, “Ang iksi naman ng isang buwan na ito.” Gusto ko pa sanang makasama sa araw-araw ang mga anak ko, ituloy ang mga palagiang ginagawa namin, minsang kagalitan, pero madalas na lambingan, at tawanan.

Pangkaraniwang gawain man ito sa iba, pero lubos na pumupuno sa puso ng isang tatay na katulad ko.

May choice naman, pero hindi ideal. Sa hirap ng buhay sa bansa na ito, na ang binubuhay natin ay hindi lang ang pamilya natin, kailangan talagang kumayod. Lumalaban naman tayo, pero sa paraang kaya natin. Sama-sama, kahit maliit na boses, lumalakas.

Sana hindi lang isang buwan ang kaya nating ilaan para sa ating mga mahal sa buhay, yung wala tayong iniintindi na utang, gutom, o iba pang bayarin. Siguro mas marami tayong option kung mas maganda ang buhay dito sa Pinas, kung mas maraming magagandang suportang ibinibigay sa atin ang gobyerno natin.

Parang wishful thinking lang ito sa ngayon sa tinatakbo ng mga pangyayari sa ating bansa.

Sa huli, dasal ko lang ang magandang kinabukasan para sa aking pamilya.

***

I’m listening to this playlist from “Ang Bandang Shirley” as i write this:

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I’m selling a Filipino e-storybook entitled “Ang Batang Nakipagkaibigan sa mga Alitaptap.” I believe this is a good book to add to your reading exercises or nightly bedtime stories.

Buy it here!

I’m sure many of you dreaded attending family events during holidays because you had to answer endless insensitive questions from prying, tactless, and “affluent” church-going titos and titas:

• If you have not yet introduced a partner to your family: Bakit wala ka pang boyfriend/girlfriend?

• When you finally introduce your significant other: Kelan ka ba mag-aasawa?

• When you finally get married: Kelan ba kayo mag-aanak?

• When you finally have kids: Kelan nyo ba susundan?

• When you finally have a second child: Bakit hindi nyo pa dagdagan? Or Gawa pa kayo ng lalake/babae

They seem to have assumed the responsibility of keeping track of your life’s milestones. And when you fail to tick any of those life events within their self-proclaimed timeframe, you’d be met by endless questions of “Bakit??” “Why??” or “Ano pa bang inaantay n’yo?!”

This is the ultimate test of patience; how not to answer back in an agitated tone lest you be further judged as “bastos” and “walang modo” for disrespecting your older relatives.

As a couple who’s had a hard time conceiving, the hardest question for us to answer, obviously, is “Kelan ba kayo mag-aanak?” simply because it’s beyond anyone’s control.

It’s easier for a lot of people to conceive, but let’s not discount the fact that 10% of Filipinos still have a hard time conceiving. This is an overwhelming 11.4 million Filipinos (translating to 5.7 million couples) who need fertility intervention, according to the Philippine Society for Reproductive Medicine.

This brings me to a different yet still related story.

More than a decade ago, my college friend also got married around the time my wife and I tied the knot. Since we were close, I asked her when they planned to have a baby. She answered that she didn’t want to have any children.

Naturally, I was a bit surprised when I got that reply because that wasn’t what was expected of married couples during our time. Nevertheless, I knew my friend perfectly well, and I was aware that her choices were mostly unconventional.

She wasn’t built to be a mom, and she was afraid she might end up neglecting her child’s needs (physically & emotionally) in case she had one in the future. She still wanted her dogs, but that was just about it.

Fast forward to about four years ago, I had two colleagues who got married. When I asked them about their plan to have kids, they both said no. They don’t feel they are emotionally capable of taking care of and raising human beings. I’ve also heard this same sentiment from some of my other younger officemates. They, too, said having kids is their least priority.

Unlike the conversation with my friend, I wasn’t as shocked by my colleagues’ replies. They were younger millennials, and they knew exactly what they wanted. Best of all, they refused to give in to what society dictated.

I also agreed with my colleagues because their decisions made perfect sense: since they knew they were not capable of raising kids, why bring them out into this world? They’re essentially sparing them from suffering due to lack of care and attention.

No child should suffer in this world; that’s why my opinion is that one should not bear children if they are not yet ready financially and emotionally. Or not reproduce at all if they don’t want kids in the first place.

Society should stop romanticizing the Pinoy mindset that children are “blessings” when some parents can’t even spare a few minutes (and a few pesos) to change their sagging and brimming diapers.

Can you still call it a blessing when some kids go to bed with growling stomachs or who may not even feel the warmth of a parent’s embrace since they are out on the streets begging for a few pesos to feed several hungry mouths?

Can you still consider it a blessing if you were unable to teach a child the ways of the world, so that they grew up being irresponsible individuals who are a nuisance to the people around them?

It’s our responsibility to provide our children’s basic needs and ensure that they grow up ready for the world. We should not burden other people with the responsibility of raising our own children.

But who will take care of me when I grow old?

Our children are not our investments or cash cows. I hope we can also break this Pinoy mentality. Let our children fly and live their lives. Let them explore the world, enjoy their money, and have the best journey in this world.

We shouldn’t put the burden on them to be our caregivers in the future. If they want to do it voluntarily to be with us during our twilight years, then let’s welcome it.

For parents, it’s our duty to save up for our own retirement and eventual departure from this world; be it setting up a support system (paid, of course) to care for us until the end of our days.

Don’t get me wrong. We all have the right to have an offspring. However, people should know that that right also comes with responsibility. Would-be parents should realize what’s in store for them once they decide to have kids. It’s not an easy feat, especially in this country where government support and access to basic services are severely lacking.

This is where the importance of family planning becomes more apparent. Correct family planning would allow us to provide our children with the basic needs. Unfortunately, for other couples, it’s just another requirement to tick off from their pre-wedding checklist.

I wanted to have a better grasp of the number of couples opting to go childless, so I did a quick internet search. I found an article published by GMA News (“DINKs are on the rise: 3 Filipino couples share reasons for choosing the child-free life”), which revealed that 59% of single Filipinos are considering a child-free lifestyle (with more women favoring a DINK lifestyle) based on a 2023 survey conducted by online dating app Bumble through Milieu Insights Pte Ltd.

The majority of the reasons given were that they “value the freedom to travel and pursue hobbies” without childcare constraints, and that they prioritize “career advancement and personal goals.”

Kudos to those people who refuse to be confined by Pinoy society’s peculiar standards regarding having kids. Indeed, if couples are not ready to have children, it’s the innocent ones who would suffer and carry trauma.

I really despise the selfishness of people who bring babies into this world, only to eventually neglect them and let them fend for themselves in the future. Meanwhile, other parents would shamelessly pass the responsibility of taking care of their children to their relatives (like grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.).

Going back to the usual holiday conversations with our titos and titas, I think the better question from them should be “How ready are you for parenthood?” or “Kaya n’yo na ba talaga mag-anak?” because it calls forth accountability and responsible parenthood instead of “Kelan ba kayo mag-aanak?”

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By the way, I’m selling a Filipino e-storybook entitled “Ang Batang Nakipagkaibigan sa mga Alitaptap.” I think this is a good book to add to your reading exercises or nightly bedtime stories.

Buy it here!

That’s the fun and ideal part of this whole exercise. However, I know other parents would agree with me that teaching lessons, no matter how we cherish the moment with our kids, is such a messy, chaotic, and often headache-inducing exercise. The same goes for us; we have numerous moments of negotiation and crying episodes. At the end of it all, I acknowledge my son for his effort and for doing well.

Lately, though, I was deliberately being strict with him. I thought he was just memorizing the lines of the stories we read, ready to recite the words robotically without really understanding their meaning.

At one point, he was enthusiastically reading the first few lines of Puss in Boots. However, when we got to the next pages, he couldn’t read some of the words that he’d previously learned. My patience quickly ebbed, and it became evident in my tone and the way I spoke to him. I noticed that my son gradually lost his confidence, to the point where he couldn’t even read simple prepositions. He was crushed and was on the brink of tears.

I didn’t give in because I thought he was only making excuses. We finished the fourth page of the book after much struggle and heightened emotions. I kissed and hugged him afterward (this is our routine), and then he ran to his mom. While in the safe arms of his mom, he let his guard down and cried. I knew I was too hard on him, and I said sorry for it.

The following day, as we were about to begin our reading lesson, he said he didn’t want Puss in Boots because it was hard. I explained that it’s hard when you are just starting, but it will eventually become easy once he masters reading.

He then said, “Ikaw kasi lagi ka nagagalit, takot tuloy ako.” That hit me hard. There were just a few instances in which I lost my cool, but that’s all he remembered. Instead of creating an enjoyable learning environment for him, I was eroding his confidence.

So, I answered, “Okay anak, iibahin na ni Daddy. Story lang tayo, and hindi na ako magagalit.” That reassured him, and when we began reading, he was more confident and seemed to be genuinely enjoying the story. He was happy when we were done.

I spoke to his mom and told her about the conversation between my son and me. I admitted that I was initially a little hard on him because I wanted to instill discipline and ensure he remembered the reading techniques I taught him. Just the same, he was still a little boy, wanting to feel cared for, seeking guidance and validation of his actions, and generally just beginning to learn new things.

Having said that, I realized I should be more intentionally calm when I’m teaching my son because I instantly saw the advantages: I observed he was more focused, more excited to learn, more determined to ace our reading exercise, and prouder of his daily progress.

This experience humbled me as a dad. At the same time, I appreciated my son’s honesty with me. I was happy because I realized that he still trusted me despite his initial dread of our learning sessions.

Similar stories:

By the way, I’m selling a Filipino e-storybook entitled “Ang Batang Nakipagkaibigan sa mga Alitaptap.” I think this is a good book to add to your reading exercises or nightly bedtime stories.

Buy it here!