How I Taught My Son To Stand Up To His School “Bully”
An important lesson on handling intimidation.
A few days ago, Rafa told me that one of his female classmates was “bullying” him. But before I proceed, let’s define bullying first. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it’s the abuse and mistreatment of someone vulnerable by someone stronger, more powerful, etc.: the actions and behavior of a bully.
I have to keep myself reminded of that because sometimes, kids may just be a little playful or joking, but because of what they hear from adults, watch on TV, or see on social media, they tend to blur the lines between true bullying and teasing. It’s a good practice that I suggest to other dads.
Having said that, I calmly asked him what the bullying was all about. Rafa told me what happened; according to him, that particular classmate would point the pencil’s eraser to his face. I asked him if the eraser touched him in any way, and he said no.
I would ask him twice, repeating the important details of his story to check for consistency. On many occasions, his stories were accurate, all the while explaining to him that sometimes, what other children do may not necessarily be bullying. It can be a joke, an invitation to play, a sign that someone is fond of him and wants to be friends, and so on.
However, if he reckoned that he may be hurt by a person’s actions or if he felt threatened, then he should learn how to defend himself.
Here’s exactly what I told him:
Never start a fight
He should never pick on anybody, provoke his friends, or hurt anyone physically or emotionally. Don’t use bad words or mock anyone for their physical appearance, the toys they have, the clothes they’re wearing, the food they’re eating, or even their school essentials.
Always be alert
I also remind Rafa to be observant and never let his guard down, especially if it involves sharp objects like pencils, ballpens, cutters, and even pointed toys.
I also tell him to keep his eyes on his classmates who are being rough and tell his teacher once they begin to become hurtful or aggressive.
Give them one warning
Yes, just one warning. I told him to say, “Don’t do that!” or “I don’t like that” in a firm and serious tone.
Again, just one warning. After that, he can either gently push his classmate’s hand away while maintaining his alertness if they continue annoying him or become physical.
Strike back if you must
I told Rafa not to let anyone hurt him. Dodge anyone who tries to strike or hurt him, and hit back to let the person know that he doesn’t tolerate such actions.
I repeated those instructions to him for several days as part of our daily lessons, emphasizing that he should exercise maximum tolerance and not let anyone lay a finger on him.
The following day, when I picked him up after class, Rafa told me that his classmate was still being unruly and kept pestering him. Finally, when the said classmate aimed the pencil eraser at his face, Rafa pushed her hand away. The classmate reacted by pushing Rafa’s shoulder, so he did the same. The classmate finally stopped, as if offering a truce; she motioned for them to fist-bump, and that’s what Rafa did.
As we rode the trike on the way home, Rafa couldn’t hold his excitement as he repeated the story. He was proud that he was able to apply what I taught him, and was also happy that he was now “friends” with his classmate.
I told him I was proud of him, but gently reminded him to just do the same in case any of his classmates start crossing the line again. At the same time, I also told him that his classmates’ actions may not always be considered bullying; it may just be an invitation for them to play, or maybe they just want to be friends with him.
I also remind that it’s not always a good thing to be overly sensitive. Otherwise, he’d think that everyone is out there to hurt him or mistreat him. It’s always advisable to analyze the situation, express disagreement if he doesn’t agree with somebody’s actions, and act accordingly if he feels threatened.
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